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The Dreamless Dream (2/?) WIP

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Jan. 24th, 2013 | 06:04 pm

Title:  The Dreamless Dream (2/?)
Rating:  PG-13 now, higher later maybe
Pairing(s):  Harry/Ginny, future Harry/Draco
Summary:  Harry woke from a coma caused by a bad Dreamless Sleep Potion having forgotten the last six months of his life.  Years later, he is struggling to deal with his failing marriage to Ginny and returns to the potion, only to find it doesn't leave him dreamless anymore.  
Warnings:  Angsty, unhappy relationship Harry/Ginny, not Brit-picked, might be slightly predictable...
Word Count:  Unsure yet- WIP
Author's Notes:  I have been working on this off and on for the last several months and thought I may as well begin sharing it.  It's not completed yet, but I will keep posting as I go.  Please feel free to share as much as you like!  I've been off LJ for so long, I have no idea what is going on anymore.  Regardless, I am hoping you'll enjoy this (if anyone still reads my LJ)!  I miss my friends here so dearly (esp my dear Missy if you are still around!).  Anyway, I'll stop being sappy and post the first bit. Enjoy! And please share!

After the quarterly crime presentation where he had to answer a bunch of inane questions and endure most of his colleagues dozing on and off, Harry was exhausted. He knew he had gotten a decent amount of sleep the night before, but it could not compensate for months of poor sleeping habits or how much his job could really wear him down. It didn’t help that it felt like his marriage was in need of serious repair. Maybe they should just try to talk about it. Maybe they could talk about it tonight.

Before he gave himself time to change his mind, Harry pulled out a piece of paper and scribbled, “G- Let’s spend some time together tonight. I’ll pick up some take out for dinner. -H” He gave the letter to an owl and sent it off with a treat.

Just after he watched it fly away, Ron popped his head around the door and asked, “Want to grab a beer tonight? I’m sure you can use it after the report!”
“Not tonight,” Harry told him with a small smile, “Sorry, Ron. How’d you think it went?”

“It was good. All the information was there- and you weren’t as boring as the audience would lead you to believe. You’re a great Head Auror, Harry,” Ron said supportively. He turned to say something to someone down the hall and then mumbled a quick apology before walking away to continue the other conversation.

Not too much later, Harry saw Ginny’s owl fly through the window and deposit a reply on his desk. “Sorry- not tonight. Bette, Jane, and I have the game tonight.” Harry had forgotten that she played some game with her friends one Monday a month. She had tried to teach it to him ages ago, but he couldn’t really get into it. It was some kind of wizard game and the rules were always evolving. Besides, there wasn’t much motivation for him to get into it, since all the girls would just sit around and gossip between turns. It wasn’t really his kind of event.

He thought about going to find Ron and tell him he had reconsidered drinks, but then decided it might be nice to go home and relax without any social pressures. He could try to organize his thoughts and prepare to have a real discussion with Ginny later this week.

Later that night, sitting in front of the television, he regretted not doing anything besides being at home. It felt hopeless thinking about what he should say to Ginny and how to discuss the problems they’d been having. She said they would always stay together, but he wasn’t sure how they could make this work- or if they’d both run miserable straight into the ground.

It was hard not to feel completely suffocated when he felt as though no matter what he did he couldn't fix their relationship and at the same time, he couldn't leave. Ginny and he's lives were so completely intertwined that he didn't know how either of them could make it out without losing friends and family. Not to mention that divorce was something no one in the wizarding world seemed to do. It could kill their careers and the public image they had worked so hard to keep nice and simple and boring. Sadly, the thing he felt he couldn't live without was probably the first thing he would lose if Ginny and he divorced. Ron would never forgive him for leaving his little sister. Maybe he could continue the way they had been. Maybe if he stopped caring, it wouldn't matter that they had no intimacy, nothing that wasn't inviting a fight. All he had to do was stop needing affection and support from her.
Harry's thoughts kept running into walls and keeping him boxed in. He felt himself getting wound up, clutching the arms of the chair and wanting to rip his ring off in frustration. Maybe he should just try to get some sleep. Ginny wouldn't be home until late. Walking into the bedroom, he knew that sleep would be elusive. It didn't take long for him to decide that the Dreamless Sleep Potion would be his best bet. After only a moment's hesitation, he threw back a dose and climbed into bed.

He again woke to a feeling of warm, comfortable contentment, swaddled in someone else's arms. He was immediately brought back to how he had felt this last night and the immediate disappointment yesterday of waking to find himself alone. He would never stop caring about Ginny or about all the things he was giving up to stay with her if he couldn't forget how good this felt. He had to move away from this dream- this person. He struggled to move away and woke his sleeping partner.

"Shh, shh, it's okay," someone mumbled to him sleepily. "I'm here; it's just a dream." The other person kissed all along his shoulders, holding him tightly against their chest. They stroked his hair, every now and again saying "s'ok" or other nonsensical platitudes. Harry knew it wasn't Ginny- she had never known what to do when he had nightmares and had eventually just gotten frustrated when he would accidentally wake her. She never stroked his hair or covered him in kisses. Never mumbled comforting words to him. It was so soothing and comforting and so completely unlike anything he had ever had- but was everything he could want and need- that Harry allowed himself to cry for the first time in several years. He cried for his marriage, for all the people who expected him to be what he was not, for all the things he wanted but couldn't have, and just for the hopelessness that he had been feeling for the last year or so. The other person, who was no doubt not real, held onto him and continued to stroke his hair, kiss his shoulder, and murmur small comforts. Harry allowed all the bad feelings to pour out of him until he felt that he had no more, and the other person still comforted and loved him. As he ran out of tears, he began to drift back into sleep. He knew it wasn't real, couldn't be real, but it was so cathartic that he didn't think he could stop. The arms felt so solid around him, the scent was so sweet, the warmth like a lullaby. As he drifted back to sleep, he absorbed it all.

The next morning, he awoke to see Ginny disheveled on the far side of the bed. She must have been at the game even later than usual- she was usually awake and moving about much earlier than he was. Harry sat up and took a deep breath. Even though he knew that the arms and the voice weren't real, he felt as though he had been there and gotten it out. It didn't feel so lonely and hopeless this morning. For the first time in months, he felt renewed.

Chapter 1

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