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FIC: A Remarkable Explosion

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Jun. 7th, 2009 | 06:13 pm

Title: A Remarkable Explosion
Author: smirking_muse
Word Count: ~3,000
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Betas: xovrall and Lindsey
Disclaimer: Belongs to JKR, various publishers, WB, etc. I am not making any money, do not intend to infringe on copyrights, and am only doing this for fun.
Summary: Cauldrons explode all the time- the results may differ.
Author's/Artist’s Notes: This was written for hd_smoochfest's prompt #103 – imitation is the highest form of flattery, hair dye/bleach, recipient draykonis.





BOOM!

Harry’s cauldron exploded suspiciously after Malfoy passed by. Harry wiped the gunk away from his eyes and blinked up at a very red Snape.

“Potter!” Snape yelled. “What do you think you are doing?! I give you the simplest task, and you alone not only cannot manage to complete it, but you explode your cauldron!”

“But sir, it wasn’t my fault!” Harry protested, wiping more gunk from his face and clothes.

“Scourgify!” Snape cast with fury before continuing his rant. “…How you made it into seventh year potions, I will never understand. This is foolish and ludicrous! You have exploded your cauldron, how many times in the last week?” Snape raised his eyebrows as if waiting for an answer.

“Er- well, five times, Sir,” Harry answered. “But this time, I swear it was Malfoy! He walked by and must have done something! I did everything right!”

“Mister Potter! You have shoddy workmanship and cannot pay attention to my instructions in the least. You will not blame this mess on an innocent classmate,” Snape replied, although the ‘innocent classmate’ was currently snickering amongst his friends and did not, by any account, look innocent. “De-tention for the next three weeks, Potter,” Snape finished.

Harry opened his mouth to protest, but at Snape’s raised eyebrow he closed it quickly. He didn’t need yet another week of detention. This time, he was sure it had been Malfoy; he had been extra careful cutting the roots and adding them slowly. His cauldron shouldn’t have exploded.

“Nice hair, Potter,” Draco snickered.

Harry put his hand up to his head. There wasn’t any gunk in it as far as he could tell. He turned to Ron. “Psst, Ron,” Harry whispered. “What’s wrong with my hair?”

“Er, well,” Ron seemed to stumble over the words. “It- er- well, the long and the short of it is- it looks like Malfoy’s.”

“No!” Harry gasped.

“You know, Potter,” Malfoy sneered. “They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.”

“As if you needed any flattery, bloody prat,” Harry grumbled.

“I’m sorry, Potter,” Malfoy replied, his voice dripping with fake sympathy. “You can try all you like, but you will never be as gorgeous as I- no matter how nice your hair looks.”

“Git,” Harry replied before turning back to his exploded cauldron.

"Oh, and Potter, as part of your punishment, you will leave the hair," Snape sneered. Harry vowed revenge.

***
At dinner that evening, Hermione looked up from her food and said, “Bleach!”

“Bleach?” Harry and Ron questioned.

“You remember your cauldron explosion earlier, Harry?” Hermione inquired; both Harry and Ron nodded to indicate that they did. “Well, I grabbed a sample of the splatter from off my desk and did some analysis during my free time earlier.”

“Free time? You have any with all the classes you are taking?” Ron scoffed.

Hermione ignored him. “The signature of the substance was confusing, but I just realised what it was! It was hair bleach! That is why your hair is that white-blonde now.”

“Malfoy put hair bleach into my cauldron?!”

“Amongst a few other things- hair relaxant and an explosive substance. It looks as though he was trying to give you a makeover?” Hermione pondered.

“I doubt it. The git was probably just trying to make me look ridiculous, as if I’d want perfectly silky blonde hair,” Harry scowled.

“It does look rather nice, mate,” Ron told him unconstructively. “I mean, it looks pretty stupid on the prat, but it’s not so bad on you.”

“Not helping, Ronald,” Hermione stated. “Well, it will grow back normally at any rate; it’s nothing permanent.”

“I vow revenge!” Harry stated, standing up and pointing a finger into the air. He was soothed by the silky hair as he ran his hand into it; he wouldn't mind keeping it around for a while.

“Sit down,” Hermione scolded. “This is just foolish. It’s time for you to be mature and just let it slide.”

“Bah,” Harry waved her away.

“Don’t worry,” Ron whispered loudly. “I’ll help you, mate!”

“I can hear you, Ronald,” Hermione told him sharply. “I want you to stay out of this. It’s just ridiculous! We’re going to be out on our own soon, and you can’t...” Hermione was in full lecture mode.

“Look what you’ve done now, Ron!” Harry whispered.

“I know,” Ron sighed.

***

"Look, Goyle, it's my doppelganger," Malfoy snickered. "Doesn't he look all cute, trying to be me?"

"Really?" Harry fumed. "I didn't realise the universe altered on its axis to revolve around me." He glanced around, pretending to search.

Malfoy maturely stuck his tongue out. "You wish, Potter."

"Ahhh!" Harry squealed. "Goyle, Crabbe, assorted other minions, come look, I think I broke a nail. My day has been ruined!" Harry feigned horror, putting a hand up to his forehead and waltzing down the hallway.

Crabbe was chuckling. "Shut it, Crabbe!" Malfoy clenched his fists.

"You've got to admit; he does a pretty good impr-" Goyle was cut off by a severe look from Draco.

***

"I've got it, Harry!" Ron whispered loudly.

"Got what? The best stage whisper in all of history?"

Ron scowled before shrugging it off. "We do to him what he did to you!"

"That doesn't sound very clever," Harry remarked, running a hand through his silky hair. He didn't understand how someone with such lovely hair could ever get upset about anything.

"Well, we'd make his hair black and messy like yours used to be!" Ron nodded.

"It would just be copying his idea," Harry remarked.

"Well, yes..."

"It would take away this wonderful hair," Harry mused. "Alright, let's do it!"

They carefully avoided talking to Hermione about this plan and used her analysis to obtain the necessary ingredients. When they owled Fred and George asking for suggestions, they received a sample of Frizz-attack Serum and black hair dye along with a note and some other things they put away for later.

"Joining the family business, Ronniekins? Have fun, and make us proud! –F&G"

As they got to the bottom of the box, they realised Fred and George had included the "Dimwizard's Guide to Exploding Cauldrons" with a small note saying "Thought you might need this."

Harry and Ron spent hours that night combining the ingredients according to the helpful, if not insulting, book.

***

Ron tried as carefully as he could to slip the potion Harry and he had made into Malfoy's cauldron while Malfoy was turned, making snarky comments to Blaise. Harry was busy stroking his soft and silky smooth hair and thinking pleasant thoughts.

When the cauldron exploded, Malfoy looked straight at Harry, his hands balled up in fists. His mouth opened and closed as though he was trying to figure out what to say.

"Mr. Malfoy," Snape began. "Do close your mouth. No matter what colour or style your hair, I should hope your mind would still be intact." Malfoy immediately shut his mouth and reached a hand up into his hair, his eyes narrowing at the messy feel.

Harry thought for a minute before mumbling a delayed "hey!" and began to fume silently.

"I cannot imagine how you managed to explode your cauldron and change your hair rather remarkably," Snape continued, wiping a smudge from his robes. "However, in the interest of the Headmaster's fair punishments, you will have to leave it as such and report for detention later tonight."

Malfoy opened his mouth to protest, but closed it quickly at Snape's hand before turning to glare at Harry.

"Mr. Potter, since I am sure you were somehow behind this, loathe as I am to admit you might be capable of any coherent thoughts, you will also be expected at detention tonight," Snape finished with a smirk that Malfoy replicated. With his new hair, it was somewhat less effective.

On the way out of the classroom, Malfoy glared at Harry before turning to his minions and saying, "Now, I shall attempt to discover hair care! Despite my intensely small brain, I have this vague notion that better hair lies ahead for me somewhere..." He proceeded to walk into the wall.

"Very clever, Malfoy," Harry rolled his eyes before adopting a higher tone. "Oh no! The sun! It's reflecting off my shiny, white hair and getting into my little, beady eyes! I'll just have to glare and smirk in case there are people nearby." Harry blinked several times before attempting an exaggerated glare and smirk and holding his hands out in front of himself.

"Oh, boo. No one likes me besides mangy Weasels and insufferable know-it-alls. I wouldn't suppose it would have anything to do with my gloomy I-died-before demeanour or the fact that I don't care enough to invest in a comb," Malfoy wailed.

" Oh, look at me and my shiny hair! Who needs intelligence when I can be surrounded by walking fat all the time? It'll only serve to make me look more handsome and intelligent," Harry mocked.

"I'm going to be an Auror and save everyone! I am brave, fearless, and stupid- a somewhat unhelpful combination, but I don't care!"

"Everyone should do things my way because I'm rich! I can be as rude, mean, and obnoxious as I like and you will still love my money- it's as shiny as my hair!"

"I'm going to marry the Weaselette and have loads of crude and ugly babies! Oh wait, nevermind. I can't because we ended it in an inappropriately public break-up, and she's a slut!"

"Well, I'm- wait a second! She's not a slut! Take it back, Malfoy!"

"You wish, Potter!" Draco smirked.

Harry reached out and shoved him. Draco shoved back. Hermione rolled her eyes and mumbled something akin to "Again?! Merlin, can't they get past all this boyish pigtail pulling already?"

Harry punched Draco in the stomach. Draco jumped him and knocked him over. When Harry's head hit the stone, he immediately flipped them over and pinned Draco. Draco landed a good punch to Harry's cheek and flipped them over again. Hermione called out, "Well, I'm going to lunch. Anyone else want to join?"

Harry and Draco didn't notice the general assent and leaving of their friends and kept struggling and frantically lashing out at the other. Eventually, they ran out of steam. Draco was straddling Harry's stomach and breathing heavily. Harry thought he almost looked cute with the strand of dark hair falling into his eyes. His body began to take notice of the way they were sitting and he hurriedly attempted to overthrow Draco. Draco put his hands onto Harry's shoulders and pushed hard enough to keep him from getting up, shifting his hips back just the slightest amount.

"Your hair looks stupid, Potter," Draco remarked between pants.

"My hair or your hair?!" Harry questioned.

Draco thought for a moment and then shrugged.

"Well, right back at you, Malfoy," Harry said half-heartedly.

Draco looked at him rather strangely. Harry could feel arousal growing as his body became more and more aware of the sexual position Draco had moved into. Harry cleared his throat, trying to shift his half-hardness away from Draco's body, and Draco blushed, quickly standing up and apologising before hurrying away.

Harry winced as he stood up, hoping Draco hadn't noticed anything funny. He hurried to Hermione for some quick healing, grateful no professors had seen and punished them. He barely listened to her lecture.

***

At detention that evening, Snape seemed slightly more irritated and impatient than usual. He dashed off quickly that they both needed to write thirty centimetres on cauldron safety to be left on his desk before leaving the room in a flurry of robes.

After he left, Malfoy crossed his arms and turned his back to Harry. "I can't believe I have to write this paper after you exploded my cauldron," he said impetuously.

"Hey! I was next to my cauldron so it couldn't have been me! Besides, you exploded mine a couple days ago," Harry glared at his back.

"I didn't do it, Potter," Malfoy rolled his eyes, turning around to face him.

"Oh yeah, my cauldron just exploded on its own, then, eh?" Harry replied sarcastically.

"Well, then you've committed even more of a crime in just being completely not clever. Besides, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, you know?" Draco sniffed, almost smiling. "You obviously think I have all the best ideas."

"You wish, Malfoy," Harry glowered at him.

Malfoy waved him off. "It's alright. I know my ideas are brilliant," he said smugly.

"Stupid prat."

"Ooooh, pulling out the big insults, I see," Draco taunted.

"Shut it, Malfoy. We have to write these essays," Harry reminded.

"And of course, Harry Potter always does what he's told," Draco rolled his eyes.

Draco reached up to touch his hair. Harry mimicked the movement. "I miss my hair," Draco said wistfully.

Too bad Harry couldn't say the same. "Hah!" he stuck out his tongue. "Serves you right, Malfoy."

"I'd say that hair was a vast improvement, Potter," Draco drawled.

Harry shrugged and glared. "It's alright," he mumbled.

"Alright?! Are you kidding?" Draco feigned shock. "It's so much better than alright!"

Harry simply shrugged again.

"Fine, let's do a comparison!" Draco announced before he walked over.

"What?!" Harry looked startled.

"Here, touch my hair and yours at the same time," Draco leaned forward so his head was level with Harry's.

Harry gulped. He could smell Draco, and it was doing all manner of uncomfortable things to him. He smelled clean and fresh, like line-dried cotton. It was intoxicating. Wait, now it was moving away and giving him some much-needed oxygen.

"Potter, in order to do a proper comparison, you must touch both hairs at once," Draco scolded before returning his head.

Harry blushed and tentatively reached out. Ah, yes, his old hair. He had almost forgotten what an irritation it was. Draco's hair was definitely better- not that he'd ever let him know that.

Draco pulled a chair over and sat very close to Harry. He then reached out and touched Harry's while touching his own. "My old hair is definitely the best, don't you agree?" Draco said confidently.

Harry watched his lips moving. Draco's face was mere inches from his own. Mesmerised, he moved forward just the barest amount before Draco suddenly stood up and hurried out of the room.

Harry wondered for a moment if he could even do that, but then figured it wasn't as though Snape was around. He quickly wrote the worst essay he had possibly ever done and left it on Snape's desk before heading back to his room to ponder the things that had happened that night.

***

Harry stared openly at Malfoy slowly eating his breakfast and ignoring the Slytherins around him. Draco hadn't said a single word to him in the last few weeks. When Harry had thrown ridiculous insults at him two days ago, Malfoy had merely remarked, "Let's not waste our time on Potter," spitting his name like it was a curse.

Harry didn't understand what was happening. One of the constants in his life was fighting with Malfoy. He should probably confront him, find out what was going on. He had his own hair back now; Draco had his too. He missed Draco's hair- too bad Draco would probably punch him if he touched it. How could someone be so angry and hostile with hair like that everyday?

Harry continued to stare at him during Charms and Potions. Once or twice, Draco had caught him staring and blushed slightly (Had Harry imagined it?) before quickly turning away.

After Potions, Harry waited while Draco slowly packed up his materials. Draco glanced up at him before telling his friends to go ahead without him. Crabbe and Goyle shrugged before heading out. Harry walked out of the room and waited for Draco in the alcove.

When Draco walked past, Harry grabbed a handful of his robes and shoved him up against the hidden wall, placing his hands on either side of his head.

"What do you want, Potter?" Draco sounded resigned.

"Why have you been avoiding me?" Harry asked.

"Fighting is immature. It's time we grow up," Draco sniffed.

"Bollocks," Harry responded. "What's the real reason?" Harry stared fixedly at Draco's silky hair. He remembered what it was like to run his hand through the soft smoothness and barely stopped his fingers from doing so again.

"Potter," Draco sighed.

"Harry," he corrected automatically. "I want to touch your hair. I miss it."

Draco looked startled and squirmed a bit before trying to look unconcerned and shrugging. Harry reached out tentatively and ran his fingers into Draco's hair. Draco seemed to shudder at the contact and closed his eyes. When he sighed a little, Harry's eyes were drawn to his pink lips. They looked as soft as his hair, and Harry could barely stop himself from leaning forward and capturing those lips in a kiss. Ah, now this was where he had wanted to be- his fingers and lips exploring the smoothest and silkiest materials he had ever known, his body pressed up against a warm and angular substance that seemed to be wrapping around him, his-

"What in Merlin's name are you doing, Potter?" Draco asked, breathless, having pushed Harry away.

Harry shrugged. "I don’t know. Did you like it?"

"I-" Draco stopped. "Did you?!"

"Er- yeah," Harry blushed a little.

"Alright then," Draco smirked before pulling Harry towards him by the front of his robes. He proceeded to snog the life out of him, his lips parting Harry's, his tongue exploring Harry's mouth, his hand moving Harry's into his glorious hair, and his arms wrapping around Harry's back.

Harry moaned at the overload of sensations, his hand threading through Draco's wonderful hair and his body pressed up tightly against Draco's perfect angles. He didn't know if he'd ever be able to pull himself away from something so wonderful.

***

"Well, I think I can call that a success," Snape muttered to himself, walking away from the alcove. "Even if the image will be burned into my retinas forever. I think it's time to have a word with Dumbledore- the meddling, old coot certainly didn't mention that 'ending the rivalry' would involve anything more than a handshake."

Snape raised his voice in imitation, "'But, Severus, think of all the good their friendship could do! All you need do is explode a cauldron!' Ridiculous, senile..."

In his office, Dumbledore looked up from some paperwork and smiled.

Fin

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Comments {20}

Anna

(no subject)

from: persephoneia
date: Jun. 8th, 2009 12:41 am (UTC)
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Love the ending lol.

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smirking_muse

(no subject)

from: smirking_muse
date: Jun. 16th, 2009 08:20 pm (UTC)
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Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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thrnbrooke

(no subject)

from: thrnbrooke
date: Jun. 8th, 2009 01:33 am (UTC)
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Severus and Dumbledore was behind it all? Oh tooo wonderful!!!

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smirking_muse

(no subject)

from: smirking_muse
date: Jun. 16th, 2009 08:20 pm (UTC)
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Haha, thanks very much!

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prone to mischief

(no subject)

from: treacle_tartlet
date: Jun. 8th, 2009 08:50 am (UTC)
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Bwah-hah-hah! Those conniving professors aways think they know best! Admittedly, sometimes they have a point...

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smirking_muse

(no subject)

from: smirking_muse
date: Jun. 16th, 2009 08:21 pm (UTC)
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Indeed they do. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment! :)

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KB

(no subject)

from: psyko_kittie
date: Jun. 8th, 2009 01:04 pm (UTC)
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LOL Go matchmaker!Dumbledore! Awesome fic.

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smirking_muse

(no subject)

from: smirking_muse
date: Jun. 16th, 2009 08:21 pm (UTC)
Link

Thank you very much!

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16press

(no subject)

from: 16press
date: Jun. 8th, 2009 09:54 pm (UTC)
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Bahaha that was awesome. I love how the boys were childlishly insulting each other. Snape's grumbling at the end was pretty great too. And how even though Dumbledore doesn't say anything at all he still seems all-knowing.

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smirking_muse

(no subject)

from: smirking_muse
date: Jun. 16th, 2009 08:21 pm (UTC)
Link

I'm glad the insults weren't too obnoxious! *grin* Thank you so very much for the lovely comment- it's put a large smile on my face!

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16press

(no subject)

from: 16press
date: Jun. 17th, 2009 11:12 pm (UTC)
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You're welcome!

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njphelps

(no subject)

from: njphelps
date: Jun. 10th, 2009 01:27 pm (UTC)
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luved it!!!! i knew sum one was behind it but i didn't think it was snape and dumbledore.

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smirking_muse

(no subject)

from: smirking_muse
date: Jun. 16th, 2009 08:22 pm (UTC)
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Thanks very much! I'm so glad you enjoyed! :)

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Caroline

(no subject)

from: paper_moonshine
date: Jun. 11th, 2009 12:28 am (UTC)
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Cute, hilarious, and very well written - great work ♥

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smirking_muse

(no subject)

from: smirking_muse
date: Jun. 16th, 2009 08:22 pm (UTC)
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Aw, thank you very, very much! I really appreciate your comment!

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reicheruchan

(no subject)

from: reicheruchan
date: Jun. 19th, 2009 10:32 am (UTC)
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great ending!!!!!

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smirking_muse

(no subject)

from: smirking_muse
date: Jun. 19th, 2009 12:13 pm (UTC)
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Thank you! :)

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resident badass, yo.

(no subject)

from: sugareey
date: Jun. 21st, 2009 04:23 am (UTC)
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Still laughing about this story because it's awesome and funny.

Happy belated birthday, dear! Hope it was fantastic!

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smirking_muse

(no subject)

from: smirking_muse
date: Jun. 22nd, 2009 10:27 am (UTC)
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Thanks, hon- I'm glad it made you laugh! Thanks also for the birthday wishes- I had a phenomenal day.

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astraeaori

Re:

from: astraeaori
date: Jul. 22nd, 2012 03:02 pm (UTC)
Link


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMzgVshG6CI

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